Instead of living life I was living to stay alive....

I blinked and life had consumed me. Instead of living life I was living to stay alive. How did I become a play by the rules type of girl?


I don't think I had a spontaneous thought in years. Everything in my world was planed and played out to the tee. I had become the epitome of the kind of women I promised myself I would never be. Little Miss Predictable, Miss A Dime A Dozen. Defiantly replaceable and that was the fatal blow.Things could not continue like this and if they were to change I had to do it today before fear could sneak back in.


"I am going to that Christmas party!"


So I hopped out of bed and went to my closet and picked out one of my many black pant suits with a white Calvin Klein button up shirt. I garbed a pair of my black Nine West pumps off my rack. Just as
I began to slide my feet into my shoes I laughed.


"You thought you would pull me back in that quick? Ha! I got something for you Life."


I ripped off my white shirt and pant suit. I stood in front of my mirror and gave myself a stern talking to.


"Okay, look today is the day I take life, my life back. I will no longer live life according to what the world thinks is right. I will live by my rules. This is my life, my journey and for now on I will be the only one in the driver seat. Life is to short and way to long for regrets. Only I can determine the kind of me I want to be."


And with that I took a deep breath and let my perfectly sculpted bun down. As I let my hair fall were it may I brushed my lips with my high 18 hour lip gloss. I opened up my makeup case and applied my Revlon mascara and decided to stop with that. This would be part of the new me. No longer spending hours applying makeup that I never even cared for. I replaced my black pant suit and white shirt with my Hot pink Ralph Lauren ruffle front shirt and my cream Calvin Klein pant suite that I had tailored to fit my 5'6" frame perfect. My pants hit my gold Jimmy Choos a quarter of the way down their 4 1/2inch heel. I put on my razor thin gold hoop earrings and tucked my gold Betsy Johnson clutch under my arms. I smiled as I took one last look at myself in my hall way mirror. My soft smile begin to light up my face a single tear of joy slid down my cheek. I had not seen this women in years. A feeling of relief consumed me as I wiped away my tear and blew myself a kiss.


"Welcome back girl, now lets go live."


I closed the door behind me and presented the new me, the real me to the world.
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As I was writing this I couldn't help but think of all the spontaneous moments I have day to day that I allow to wash away with the lack of time left on my daily planer.
8:30am make breakfast
9:00am work out with Jenny on the Wii
9:45am shower
10:15am .....
and on and on.
This story did not start out with me writing about me and my life but as I think about it our life's run parallel.


So,
today is the day I take life, my life back. I will no longer live life according to what the world thinks is right. I will live by my rules. This is my life, my journey and for now on I will be the only one in the driver seat. Life is to short and way to long for regrets. Only I can determine the kind of me I want to be.